Sex famine in NH — could this be?

from another blog…

Dateline: August 1, 2013

The Latest in the New Hampshire Sex Famine

On its second anniversary, the two-year “sex famine” continues unabated in New Hampshire, as pretty much every woman in the “Granite State” continues to refuse to have sexual relations with any New Hampshire man as a result of the 2011 defunding of Planned Parenthood. What started as a kind of internet joke caught fire two years ago, and by August there was a grassroots movement to abstain from sex with guys in that state until Planned Parenthood was restored, health care for poor women (reproductive and other) was guaranteed, and at least half of the state legislature was female.

No one thought the “nookie famine” would last, but when bumper stickers began appearing on women’s cars that read, “We can take it, can you?”, the strike began to get serious traction. Not that it was easy: many very loving “Granite women,” as they began to be called, felt badly that their husbands and boyfriends had to “go without,” and of course the women themselves suffered as well. Frustrations — and nothing much else — mounted, although there were some rumors of NH guys suddenly getting very interested in sheep farming.

By fall of 2011, the stubborn Republican politicians having decided to channel their own sexual frustrations the way they often do (airport restrooms, for instance, though the lack of airports in New Hampshire made even them suffer a bit), it was clear that a long seige was in order. While hitherto loyal right-wingers began organizing recall elections of their own leaders, scores of New Hampshire women and men began to “cross the river,” a new euphemism for “going to Vermont to get some.” The tourist and bar business in Vermont began to pick up as freshly showered and perfumed “Granite women” crossed the covered bridges to the Green Mountain State to meet some Green Mountain men. Between the sudden appreciation of liberal guys and what can be done in the back seats of Subarus, and the new universal healthcare just begun in Vermont, lots of women decided to just stay on in Vermont. Aware of the importance of the whole Planned Parenthood institution and convinced that they had to be supportive of NH women fighting the “war against women,” the women of Vermont also got involved in the fight, sporting t-shirts from the Vermont Women for NH Women’s Health organization that said “There’s enough to go around — real VT women share.”

New Hampshire guys were less fortunate, as women from both states began to “card” guys to make sure they didn’t come from the state where, it was universally agreed, all the guys had to be “cut off.” After awhile, guys with no motorcycle helmets were automatically assumed to be off limits as well, causing a sudden rise in the helmet business throughout the New England states.

Now, two years into the “great famine,” things may finally be ready to change. The politicians who engineered the Planned Parenthood defunding have been removed from their jobs and mostly moved to Arizona, and as of the last election 44% of the NH legislature is comprised of women, all as eager as the guys for sanity to prevail and the “good times,” as they are now wistfully called, to return. All it will take will be a few more female legislators, and the smiling faces of Granite people will be as common once again as tourists used to be in the state.

As the fall elections near, the women running for the NH Legislature are reminding the state’s voters that it gets very cold very early in New Hampshire, so vote wisely. As they keep saying, “elections have consequences.”